Living A Full Life

Beyond Tantrums: The Hidden Signs Your Child Is Stressed

• Full Life Chiropractic • Season 3 • Episode 27

Share episode

Ever wonder why your perfectly cared-for child seems inexplicably irritable, clingy, or defiant? The surprising truth is that children—even infants—experience significant stress through the same physiological mechanisms as adults, but express it in ways we often misinterpret or miss entirely.

This eye-opening exploration of childhood stress reveals how developing nervous systems respond to everything from separation anxiety to overstimulation. With cortisol levels rising just like in adults, children manifest stress through behavioral changes and physical symptoms that serve as important clues for attentive parents. For babies, it might appear as excessive crying, digestive issues, or sleep disturbances. Older children might develop mysterious headaches, regression behaviors, or academic struggles that have no obvious medical cause.

The modern childhood experience contains numerous stress triggers that previous generations didn't face in the same intensity. From excessive screen time creating harmful dopamine cycles to overscheduled days that mimic adult work environments, children today navigate a landscape that their nervous systems aren't evolutionarily equipped to handle. Research consistently shows that even normal separations from parents, especially in children under three, can create measurable stress responses that manifest as behavioral challenges. Family tensions, academic pressures, and social difficulties add additional layers to this complex picture.

Fortunately, simple yet powerful strategies can help children develop emotional resilience. Consistent routines provide the predictability children crave. Mindful approaches to screen management prevent overstimulation. Physical touch—from ordinary hugs to gentle pediatric chiropractic care—helps regulate the nervous system. Teaching children breathing techniques (like blowing up an imaginary balloon) gives them practical self-regulation tools they can use independently. Creating calm environments with appropriate sensory outlets allows their developing brains the space to process emotions safely.

What stress-management techniques have you found effective with your children? Share your experience and join a community of parents committed to raising emotionally resilient kids who can navigate life's inevitable challenges with confidence and calm.

Send us a text

Speaker 1:

Today we're talking about a topic that is often missed stress in children and even infants. What does it look like, what causes it and how can we help our kids feel seen, heard and safe? Thanks for tuning in to another episode of Living a Full Life. I'm Dr Enrico Bocicori and we'll be going into stress in children. I had a patient come in a week ago that listened to our last podcast about stress and said, hey, how do I know if my five-year-old is stressed, outside of the typical conversations that we have, and I said that's such a great question, let's do a podcast on it.

Speaker 1:

Can children and infants really be stressed? We always joke about food being delivered to them. They get chauffeured everywhere they want to go. They get their diapers changed. Food being delivered to them, they get chauffeured everywhere they want to go. They get their diapers changed. How could they possibly be stressed? Being a kid has got to be the best thing in the world, but absolutely can infants and children be stressed?

Speaker 1:

These stress responses are just like adults, but they show it differently, often through behaviors and physical symptoms. That's what kids do, but the science behind stress for infants and children is the exact same as it is in adults. The stress response will actually cause an increase in cortisol levels. It will cause an increase in stress response. The nervous system is still developing at those ages and these stresses that they go through can have long-term effects if they become chronic. And the younger the child, the more they feel stress without being able to express it because they don't have the communication skills as an older child. So yeah, we absolutely can experience stress at all levels and all times in our lives. But how do we see it? So let's talk about infants and toddlers first. With their stress, they'll show certain symptoms that may seem obvious to some and maybe not to others, but increased crying or irritability. As a parent, you typically know that crying usually means something wrong. Something is hurting, they're in pain, they're in discomfort, something's up or they're irritable because they're fighting something and discomfort. A fever, whatever may be swelling, and that can cause stress in itself and that's their response. They may have things like difficulty sleeping or difficulty feeding. That can be a stress response as well. Reflux, constipation and digestive issues are stress as well, and if they're overly clingy or without withdrawn behavior, they can be stressed as well. So these are four different categories. We always default to thinking that something's wrong or they're hurting when it comes to like reflux or constipation. But these things are showing a stress digestive system, a stress nervous system and what we need to do is try and figure out where the stress is coming from.

Speaker 1:

With infants, mothers are in tune and they usually look at the foods that they eat that may be transferring through the breast milk, causing the digestion or constipation, the reflex. They become a little bit more in tune with their body and the baby's body and try and figure out what's going on, because those primitive times are very basic Food, water, shelter, temperature times are very basic Food, water, shelter, temperature. Those are the things you're looking at to help an infant. But as they become into a toddler or older child they may get things like headaches or stomach aches with no medical cause. They may be sent for a scan. Sometimes when kids have headaches, we rush them to MRIs a little bit faster than we do with adults, because headaches in kids is not normal and those MRIs will come back. Clear Tantrums, aggression, defiance, regression, sometimes like bedwetting, may come back. Thumb sucking may come back. Trouble focusing or doing well in school all of a sudden, and then some social withdrawal. You'll see this in the older children, the four and above, and these are clues as parents to maybe look into and be like, hey, what's going on? Opening up a discussion and remembering that a child under the age of eight may not have the communication skills to verbally express what it is that's truly stressing them out, but they may be able to express how they feel, which is fantastic and a great stepping stone for many of the kids. But under two, if they can't talk yet and they can't get full sentences out, we have to be in tune of what causes stress in kids, to be more focal and adapt parents. That's the whole point of this. How can we help them as the adults in the relationship? So you know what causes stress in kids.

Speaker 1:

The main things in our society is separation from parents or inconsistent caregiving. A lot of research shows and this does not put a blanket statement or judgment on parents that do send their kids to daycare, but Kids under the age of three that are separated from their kids and do spend more time in daycare show more signs of stress, defiance and behavioral issues than kids who don't. We've documented this across many different countries around the world. It's published, it's recorded, we know this, and especially in child psychology. They will agree on that statement that the separation portion causes stress in itself. How many of you remember taking your two-year-old or your three-year-old to an aunt or an uncle for the first time and they showed that cleanliness, that attachment, because they're treating the family as a stranger and that's stranger danger. And that's a natural response for a child to protect itself. It's like you're not my mom, you're not my dad, you're not my sibling, you're scary. And that's their response. So they have the separation anxiety from that.

Speaker 1:

Overstimulation is probably the most common stress response we're seeing in our society right now with kids is that they're overstimulated with screens, noise and too many changes, too fast, too rapidly. Their life's not consistent. They got to go run and do this, do that. They're on this screen on that tablet. They got to finish their homework. They got to go run and do this, do that. They're on this screen on that tablet. They got to finish their homework. They got to do all these things. They're in an adult type work environment at a very young age and we need to maybe regulate the things that we can control. Homework needs to get done. Academia needs to get done. However, screen time can be controlled, don't need to have screens. We don't need to have screens at all under the age of five. So really minimizing these can really help your child overall.

Speaker 1:

With their stress response, you see a lot of kids more anxious, more stressed, more reserved, more socially declined and taking them longer to get adaptable in social scenarios, mainly because of the tech era, we'd say over the last 15 years we've noticed the kids that are on their phones. Started with my generation with video games, computers, I mean. It all started with the millennials, but now, with the Gen Zs and they having kids, we're seeing them on their tablets a lot more. So birth trauma birth trauma as well. What about the physical things? Birth is traumatic. That's a full sentence right there. It's traumatic for mom, it's traumatic for the baby. It's a tough process, no matter which way you want to look at this, whether it's a natural delivery, cesarean section, an emergency medical complications, whatever it is. Even the most natural and beautiful birth is a stressful process to get through that canal. So that can be traumatic or early medical procedures they're necessary but they do cause stress. Sometimes they can leave the child with chronic stress Tension in the home.

Speaker 1:

Kids feel this. Kids are very empathetic. At early stages of life. Empathy is the first energetic kind of feeling that the kids are starting to understand is the empathy of people around them and how they're feeling and they're testing to see. Trying to understand is the empathy of people around them and how they're feeling and they're testing to see and that's what builds their character over time is by sensing the empathy of other people, sensing their emotions, to determine how they should have an emotion in that moment. So really important. If they're around people and tension all the time, they're going to become more rock characteristics which may serve them in the future in certain ways but in other ways may make them more reserved people as they grow up. So tension in the home. Even if they don't understand it, they truly do feel it.

Speaker 1:

As we get into the older children five and up, we'll say school age children they start getting into academic pressures. We got third grade, fast testing. By third grade they're doing government testing, bullying or social struggles at school, starting to become making friend groups. Bullying is probably one of the most stressful things that can happen to a child in their young age and, as a parent, standing up immediately to this and zero tolerance policy is really important and going to the administration at the school, wherever they're being taught, and standing up for your child and standing up for zero tolerance. I mean, most schools follow a zero tolerance bully guideline. Now they're at state level and federal levels on this. They have to have some types of policies in place. All you need to do is just stand up nicely and go to the administration and say my kid's being bullied. I'm standing up against this. I say no right now. What are we going to do to make this change immediately today? And that's what you would do. I've done it myself.

Speaker 1:

Family conflict or divorce that's very stressful for kids. That's pretty, given. Lack of routine, poor sleep builds up chronic stress in our children as well, and physical health issues and diet-related imbalances. Some of you may be listening right now and be like, oh man, we're going through a couple of those things ourselves. That's tough and you feel sad for your kids. It's life, it's the reality. What we're doing is bringing awareness and consciousness to this to make ourselves better human beings. And as being a better human being and understanding our surroundings, we can be better parents, we can be better spouses, we can be better neighbors, we can be better people. That's the whole point of knowledge. Don't make yourself feel bad If you're going through any of this stuff and your children's going through any of this stuff.

Speaker 1:

Maybe they went to daycare at like six months old and they've been in daycare for the last few years. You're not a bad parent but by knowing this, maybe cultivating more love and more emotion. You love your kids. You always love your kids, but more emotion when they come home and say, hey, tell me about your day, how was it? Did you make any new friends? What was the great stuff that happened? It was the funnest part of the day today. And if they tell you something acknowledging it, like, wow, man, that sounds like that was a ton of fun. You mean, you moved the truck in the sand, did you bury it? Yeah, we buried it. That was awesome. And then just kind of engaging with their experience of it being something awesome. So they are reinsured. That was a good moment, that was a great day. That's how they can feel, reinsured, even though they're separated from you for a portion of the day. That's a great way of doing that. So many ways we can help as parents.

Speaker 1:

This is the exciting portion of the podcast is you know, recognize and acknowledge the stress, just like that, the truck in the sandbox, and then they were bullied and the other kid took the truck from them and that made them feel sad. Instead of minimizing that you're fine, don't worry about it, Kids do that. There's bullies sometimes. Stand up for yourself. What you want to do is validate their feelings instead. It's okay to feel upset. I'm here to listen to you. How did that make you feel? What do you think of that kid? How have they been treating you so far?

Speaker 1:

And whatever they say about that other kid, be like hey, how do you treat other kids around the the school? How are you doing that? And they may say something positive and you want to reinforce them. That's I'm really proud of you. I'm really proud of you. Treat kids the way you want to be treated. So leave little johnny uh alone. He might be going through some stuff. Ask him how he's doing tomorrow. Next time you guys play, if he does anything, or if you're just playing with him, say hey, johnny, how are you today? Even if they're four years old, they're going to try it. They're pretty cool, or they may not. They may completely forgot what you said the night before, it doesn't matter. Create consistent routines. This one's fantastic Kids thrive in routine.

Speaker 1:

It decreases their stress immediately because they can almost predict what's happening next. My kids now look at the clock at dinnertime like, oh, it's 7.10. It's time for bedtime. It was 7 o'clock. We're trying to wrap it up, we wrap up the day, we wrap up dinner and we're making our way up for bedtime. Routine Baths, brush teeth, bedtime stories and they know that and it's been like that their whole lives.

Speaker 1:

My oldest is 10 and a half years old and she has not seen another bedtime in her whole life at seven, like her life is like oh, the world ends, the world stops, at seven o'clock pm. So she assumes that. So if we're ever out later, she's like, wow, we're still out. We have people still out at 8.30 too. Yeah, but it's a consistent routine that they have. That's the reason why we keep it hard. A hard line on that is because we want them to know.

Speaker 1:

And then by 8, we're falling asleep. We're wrapping up all the talking and the books and we're falling asleep. It's time for bedtime because we want to get at least 10 hours of sleep. They know that If you ask them, you put my 8-year-old aside, my 6-year-old aside, or a 10-year-old. They're all going to say, yeah, I'm trying to get 10 hours or more sleep. That's the. I wake up at six. How many hours is that? I'm like it's 10 hours. They're like, oh good, good, good, I'm doing good because I wake up at 6.15. So that's what we do for our kids is one little thing to make a routine is bedtime. That's one. Two by knowing what to expect, their anxiety just naturally goes down. Number three reduce overstimulation.

Speaker 1:

Screens, I know are at the top of the list as far as stimulation. Screen time is probably the most devastating thing that's going on right now. These kids are being sucked into a dopamine flush. A dopamine flush is bad. For those of you before the millennials, gen X, baby boomers, this would be like grabbing a bag of candy sitting on the couch and I don't know if you would stare at your Lego set or something, or your toy truck and eating the bag of candy, one piece of candy at a time, every few seconds, every few seconds. Aside from diabetes and obesity, what would that do to your brain? It just be a constant dopamine hit of sugar tooth. Right, and it's the same thing this generation. Instead of the candy, they got filtered water and alkaline, this and uh electro like that. Um, they have these screens. And the dopamine flush is so real. It is so real.

Speaker 1:

You can see a child change its behavior within weeks of starting to use a screen. We've noticed that personally with our 10-year-old. She got her first screen iPad for Christmas and it's a few months later and I'm already like, oh, hang on a second, your attitude and everything is already changing. They're saying cool, so we have limits. Now we have screen time limits during the week 45 minutes total per day. So you can break that up into three 15 minute blocks or just completely take it away and have detox times as well. So limit that screen time.

Speaker 1:

Noisy environments we need quiet environments for our kids. The bedroom should be a safe place, wherever they sleep should be a safe place, and we want to make sure it's quiet environment for that. And then rushing from activity to activity this is more of a family thing. The rush of the family of just always being late, always being behind, come on, get into the car all the time creates not only stress for the parents, but it does rub off on the kids too, cause now they're always rushing around. Sometimes you do that rushing. They just do not move, they just want to keep playing. But uh, always having that rush, rush lifestyle is tough for everybody. Always having that rush lifestyle is tough for everybody.

Speaker 1:

Number four model healthy coping. Some of you I got my hand up as well don't cope well. We get angry. We have other things. We got to teach our kids to breathe, you know, let kids breathe, stop and breathe, talk about your own stress calmly and prioritize self-care. But breathe with your kids. Teach them to breathe as well once they get tough, once things get tough for them. So healthy coping is really simple. I'm going to leave one tip for you is breathing, getting your kid to stop, just breathe, breathe, calm down.

Speaker 1:

And then we move into physical touch and connection. This is where we get into the empathy part of the brain to physical touch and connection. This is where we get into the empathy of part of the brain. Hugs, baby wearing, co-regulation, gentle chiropractic care for the nervous system these are all physical touch modalities that help in connecting the nervous system back to a homeostatic space of less stress and less anxiety. So that touch comes a long way.

Speaker 1:

A hug can go such a long way. If you've had a good hug recently, I should say I'm sure you've had a good hug. But if you recently had that good hug, remember that Maybe your spouse was there and give you that hug and immediately you feel that stress come off your shoulders, even if it's just for a few minutes. Well, how great is that? Right, it's insurmountable for your kids. It's a huge, huge thing for your kids to get that good hug from mom and dad. So it goes a long way. And how easy is that? To just breathe, get a hug.

Speaker 1:

And lastly, but probably one of the most important, is nutrition and movement. Diets high in sugar, artificial ingredients can make anxiety worse. You guys have read the literature. You've listened to my other podcasts red dye, blue dyes, yellow dyes and what happens to behavior instantly? High fructose, corn syrup, high saturated sugars, high dense sugars they're added everywhere in our foods. We've got to be careful with this. It's a dopamine flush when that happens. So what we need to do is encourage play, outdoor time, sunshine and movement. Whatever they find fine If it's climbing a tree, if it's playing on the playground, if it's being outside, if it's pushing the bubble lawn sorry, whatever age they're at. Getting them moving just releases anxiety and stress for them and it's good for you too to see your kid riding their bike and playing outside. It's just, it's a great thing. You've got to make time for that and substitute that for screens. They're doing nothing on the screens. It's going to make anything of any value for sure. Bonus stuff too.

Speaker 1:

You know we got some breathing exercises for kids that you can blow up an imaginary balloon. So when people ask, I know the questions will come. You know what are you talking about. Breathing for kids. Blow up an imaginary balloon. Just hold your hands up, blow into your hand and pretend like you're blowing up a balloon. Big, deep breath in. Blow one good breath out. Big deep breath in. Blow another one out. Say how big do you think this balloon is going to get, even though it's imaginary? That's a great way of teaching them how to breathe, maybe in anger, maybe even for fun. Teaching them when they're in a good mood is a good way to get them to learn the skill, rather than when they've already blown up and need to calm down. They're not going to listen to you in that moment. They're not going to pretend to blow up a balloon in their hands. So if you teach them that and it becomes a part, or maybe something you even do. They may do it too. Picking books or reading stories that help kids identify their emotions these are great. Picking emotionally intelligent books can help kids at a young age and there's never too early to start for that. Those are great too.

Speaker 1:

Pediatric chiropractic care for calming the nervous system that's the number one thing we see in our office by helping people. Chiropractic for kids by a certified pediatric chiropractor is absolutely wonderful. It's nothing like you see on the YouTube channels. As far as adjusting, usually we use integrators, activators, gentle touch. I love adjusting the infants. They're just second jello. It's so fun and super gentle and we love doing that. You can just see them melt in your hands. It's wonderful to be able to help them do that influence into their nervous systems. It's fantastic. And then having safe sensory tools like a weighted blanket, safe fidget toys, quiet spaces for our kids those are wonderful ways to help teach them on coping and helping them with their anxiety. So children's stress is real and it's often silent. When we understand how to spot it and respond, we give our kids the best shot at emotional resilience and long-term well-being.

Speaker 1:

So I invite you to follow up with us. Let us know how you do your family's de-stress routine. Maybe it'll help other families too. Share, leave a review. Leave a comment. This is a great episode. To leave a comment. Tell us what you learned and what you may do in your home to help with your children. You're all great parents. We're just giving you more tools to help you through these stressful times, stressful life. It's tough being a parent and managing all these things, but you're doing great. I know you are. Hopefully that was helpful. Stay well, stay healthy, take care.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Dr. Enrico Dolcecore

Host
Head Shot

Dr. Christine Hafer

Co-host
Head Shot

Dr. Crystal Corona

Co-host